Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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