I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
