We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
