My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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