I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're so nebulous sometimes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
