what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
