we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
