My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
