oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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