During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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