dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
