how can u be prego again
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
