i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
