i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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