Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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