idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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