i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
