Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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