There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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