I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
