The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
