I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
