Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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