Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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