On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
