I hate your face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
