the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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