HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
