I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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