Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
