do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
