if only i could text you this smell
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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