he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
