After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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