I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
