FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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