dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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