sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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