I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
