I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
