the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
