Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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