I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
