Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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