Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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