Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
