So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
