I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
