The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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