Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
