Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
