my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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