Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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