After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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