we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
