I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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