I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
