There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A+ Viking dick
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
