i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
