Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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