Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
