i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
