in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
