if you like me you must not know who I am
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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