How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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