i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
