i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
