I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
NoShamevember. You game?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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